Musings from a Recliner: 10 Aug 18 ~ Lally Virk. "I don't disagree"....

Musings from a Recliner: 10 Aug 18 ~ Lally Virk.

“I don’t disagree”.

A few days ago, one of the Tigers had put up a post on BambooDoor. These days, wanting to preserve my peace especially on BD, I generally avoid remarking. But not able to contain myself I had remarked on that post. 

A couple of minutes later, the Tiger who had forwarded that post replied back saying, “You are right Lally…………….." and ended his response by saying, “I don’t disagree”.

This inadvertent, innocuous remark by our Tiger, “I don’t disagree”, occupied my thoughts for the rest of the day and got me thinking. 

"I don't disagree"....hmmmm......What is the difference between “I agree” and "I don't disagree", or is there a difference at all?

As I kept going deeper, a lot of interesting things started emerging. 

Let's walk along and see it unfold.

Strictly speaking “I don’t disagree” falls in the realm of a ‘double negative’. I would say it exists in that narrow slice of sand between 'agreeing' and 'disagreeing' with someone. It’s a ‘negative affirmation’ or a ‘double-negative euphemism’. 

‘Cosmetically’ I would say, it means “I agree” but in actuality I would say, it’s trying to find a middle ground where none exists and would be closer to saying “let’s agree to disagree”.

In effect one doesn’t really want to rock the boat with his opinion, but is following a code of conflict avoidance because you’re in a comfort zone of plausible deniability. A détente of dialogue. 

As someone very aptly put it, “A high signal to noise ratio helps further an effective conversation, but ‘I don’t disagree’ reduces the signal to noise ratio of an effective conversation”. 

On a lighter note, it’s like this guy and his diplomatic friend. In a discussion whenever his friend could sense them getting into that uncomfortable space, he would say ‘No, no, I don’t disagree’. Knowing his friend well the other would immediately retort, “Fuck you too”, and both would laugh it off.

To conclude, I would say “I don’t disagree”, would be closer to saying ‘We agree to disagree”.

There are times in business when we disagree, but expressing disagreement comes more easily to some cultures than to others.

Germans disagree openly, considering it to be the most honest way. Americans and Finns are also admirably frank and direct. French people disagree openly, but politely. In the East Asian cultures, open disagreement is taboo—indeed most Asians are nervous about it. British people also dislike open conflict and use various instances of coded speech to soften their opposition in conversation.

As an interesting aside, the examples below indicate how ways of expressing disagreement may be affected by Swedish love of consensus, Chinese fondness for ambiguity, Italian indirectness, Japanese concern about loss of face, American cynicism, Swiss correctness, Filipino deference to superiors, Brazilian cheerfulness, and Finnish humorous reticence.

“I don’t agree”. (German)

“I’m afraid I don’t share your opinion”. (French)

“I agree, up to a point”. (British)

“Let’s agree to disagree”. (British)

“We agree”. (Japanese)

“We agree if all of us agree”. (Swedish)

“We agree and disagree at the same time”. (Chinese)

“Have another cup of coffee”. Roy & Rags……😜😄 (Finnish)

“I agree with you, but I don’t think my Board of Directors will”. (Swiss)

“You gotta be kidding”. (US)

“You are the boss”. (Filipino)

“I suppose anything’s possible”. (Brazilian)

“Let’s go and have a Campari and talk about it tomorrow”. (Italian)

If your aim is to further your own business interests, then a good starting point is to try to view the situation from the other person’s cultural perspective. This will help you to understand and connect with other cultures on their terms. Through this you may find that it will be much easier to find common ground and create win-win situations.

Every culture believes it defines normality, and thus, viewing yourself through their lens is both respectful and often illuminating. However, this does not mean that you should accept everything. All cultures have values that are sacrosanct and difficult, if not, impossible to impact. Americans’ belief in individualism and the Asian belief in harmony are two such beliefs.

……………and to think of it, it all started from that ‘innocuous remark’........did I hear someone say, "I don't Disagree" !!! 😊🤔👊⚔